The 5 Self-Love Languages: Quality Time

Most everyone is familiar with the five love languages explained in the book by Gary Chapman. As I've been working with a therapist to heal from trauma, it occurred to me that self-care is self-love. So, I wanted to share some ideas on how to show self-love based on your love language. Because I want to keep things short and sweet (like a pineapple), I'll share a different post for each language. Previously, I shared about the self-love languages for Acts of Service, Gifts, and Physical Touch. Today's self-love language that I want to write about is "Quality Time."

Quality Time might initially seem silly because we spend ALL our time with ourselves. But stop and think for a minute: when did you last spend QUALITY Time with yourself? We rush through our day to get all the things done. There is usually some form of chaos happening in our lives. Do we ever slow down to mindfully check in with ourselves? Do we take the time to enjoy our hobbies without distractions? In this post, I will share some ideas and tips to give yourself quality time.

Make a Plan

What would you do if you wanted to spend quality time with a friend? Do you say, "Let's hang out sometime"? More often than not, this approach lacks true quality because there is no plan. A better way would be to say, "Do you want to go to lunch and shopping after?" This gives you and your friend something specific to do as you spend Quality Time together. It also allows you to block out the time required in your schedule. The same is true if we want to spend quality time with ourselves.

We have to make a plan to have quality time with ourselves. What is it that you want to do? Do you need to plan a time to go to the gym? Do some mindfulness meditation? Pick something that isn't required for work or household chores. It has to be something you sincerely want to do just because you want to do it.

If spending time with yourself sounds daunting, maybe you need to schedule an appointment with your therapist to improve your relationship with yourself. Recently, I was working with my therapist on a negative self-thought: "I don't feel like I can trust myself." She pointed out that "I can trust myself" because I trusted myself enough to make an appointment with her. She then asked me how many times in a day I felt that I had that negative thought. I estimated 10. She then pulled out her phone and did some calculations. There are 1440 minutes in a day, and if only 10 of those minutes are the thought, "I can't trust myself," then there are 1430 minutes in which I didn't have that negative thought. Putting this negative thought into perspective helped me realize that I focus on the few negative thoughts of the day, but I miss so many more positive thoughts because I'm beating myself up repeatedly.

Schedule It

Let's face it: if we don't schedule quality time with ourselves, it won't happen. I know many people keep their schedules on their phones, and I sometimes schedule things on my phone, like doctor's appointments and reoccurring things like reminders to take my medicine. However, getting on my phone to see my calendar usually leads to distractions. I'm more productive if I'm not tempted by checking emails and social media.

I prefer a weekly planner that I can write in all my to-do's. Firstly, writing it out helps to ingrain things in my brain, and I can always flip it open to see what I have scheduled. Secondly, seeing my planner lying on the table also helps to remind me of things I need to do. Thirdly, writing things out helps with prioritization.

We need to prioritize quality time with ourselves. I know in our culture, we say things like, "work before play," but I think "play" or "quality time" with ourselves is more important. If our bodies are so stressed that we hit burnout or mental breakdown, how can we do all the other things on our list? So, when planning your weekly schedule, write what you will do and when you will spend quality time with yourself before all the other have-to-do's.

No Distractions

"No distractions" is the key to quality time with yourself. If you were on a date with your spouse and they were on their cellphone the whole time, would you be okay with that? No, because they aren't paying any attention to you. If you want quality time with yourself, remove distractions and give yourself the space to enjoy being you. Put your phone in a different room or leave it in the car. We have become accustomed to our phones always being by our side. But humans have done just fine without our smart devices for centuries. We can be without them for an hour or two.

Again, if you were on a date, would you take your kids with you? Find someone to watch your kids for a couple of hours. I had a friend who would trade babysitting with me. She would watch my daughter while I took piano lessons, and we would watch her son so she could have a date night. I frequently do trades with my husband for quality time. He'll watch the girls for an hour so I can enjoy some crafting, and then I'll watch the girls so he can do some art.

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I hope today's post gave you some tips for ways to show yourself love through Quality Time. In my next post, I'll share the self-love language for Words of Affirmation.