My Infertility Journey, Part Two: 2020
- Katherine Hobbs
- Jul 18, 2022
- 11 min read
Updated: Nov 28, 2023
The entire world will remember 2020 as a crazy year. For me, my whole world shook because of unexpected circumstances in addition to Covid-19. In 2020 my husband and I decided to try for baby number two. What seemed to be a miracle pregnancy quickly turned into life-threatening devastation.
Background
Before the birth of my miracle daughter, Hazel, I was not planning to use any contraception in hopes of conceiving baby number two naturally. However, due to an emergency c-section, my doctor advised that we wait 18 months before trying to conceive so my body could fully heal.
In the end, I was grateful we waited 18 months. As we entered March 2020, I decided to wait a few more months until I was mentally ready to face possible infertility and motherhood simultaneously. However, I did start up the research process and cycle-tracking in preparation. While researching, I found Dr. Natalie Crawford on youtube, and I realized how irregular my periods were. I began to suspect that I had PCOS, as my original OBGYN had mentioned but never diagnosed.
In July of 2022, I had an appointment with my Endocrinologist, Dr. P, who noted I had a bit of unexplained weight gain despite my thyroid tests looking normal. Which I later learned can be a symptom of PCOS. He suggested that I go low carb - so I started the Keto diet. While I did lose the weight, I felt terrible! We continued this diet for a couple of months until I lost the weight I had gained. I also told him of my plans to conceive, and he said to give him a call as soon as I was expecting so we could adjust my Levothyroxine if needed.
When I finally felt ready to TTC, I made an appointment with my OB-GYN. When we met in August, I expressed my concern about going through infertility again. Dr. B was very understanding and said that if I wasn't pregnant in 3 months, we could proceed with Clomid. Having a game plan brought me a lot of peace of mind. At this point, I had already suspected that I had PCOS, but I wasn't ready to accept it just yet, so I didn't mention it to Dr. B.
Extended Trip to Idaho
During Covid-19, California was particularly restrictive in leaving your home only as required, which was very isolating! In addition to Covid, the summer of 2020 brought terrible wildfires to our area. Due to the lockdown isolation and dark ash falling from the sky, my mental health was slipping downward. My husband and I felt it would be best to take an extended trip to Idaho to visit my family for a couple of months.
After getting permission from my husband's work to temporarily work remotely, we packed up and drove to Idaho. Being near my family was a breath of fresh air (both literally and metaphorically). While Covid was still rampant, being allowed to attend church and spend time outside the home was a much-needed relief. There is a lot we could do while still social distancing. I made homemade yogurt with my mom, rode horseback with my dad, and did crafts with my sisters.
Cycle-Tracking & OPK's
As I mentioned, I was cycle-tracking to learn better how to identify my fertile window due to my irregular cycles. I was also using OPKs to try and determine when ovulation was occurring. Until this point, I only ever had one positive ovulation test: when I conceived my daughter Hazel. I will note that cycle-tracking felt like a full-time job, but I learned how to pay attention to the signals my body was trying to send.
Before my trip to Idaho, I had two unsuccessful cycles, which meant that after cycle three was when I would need to see my OBGYN about Clomid. Cycle 3 took place while we were in Idaho. The last week of October, with the help of my OVIA fertility app, I picked up on pre-ovulatory symptoms, so I took an Ovulation Predictor Test. I was amazed to see it was positive!
The Pregnancy Test
Two weeks later, I took a pregnancy test, and it was positive! We were shocked and excited! We couldn't believe we got pregnant naturally despite my irregular cycles. We were so thankful for our miracle. I even started calling our little one Baby Jellybean.
In just a few days, I felt a lot of dizziness and fatigue, which can be typical pregnancy symptoms. I was also experiencing some low abdominal/back pain. I thought it was due to hormones causing increased constipation. On one occasion, I had so much pain that I asked my husband for a priesthood blessing. The pain probably should have been my first clue to call my OBGYN to see if something was wrong.
When I had my phone appointment with Dr. P, my endocrinologist, to request thyroid testing, I mentioned my constipation. Dr. P "prescribed" prune juice; after that, I felt a slight improvement in the pain. Over the remaining weeks of our stay in Idaho, I occasionally had some light spotting, which can be a typical pregnancy symptom, so I didn't worry too much about it.
Traveling Home to California
Saturday, November 28th, two days after Thanksgiving, we packed up our car and started driving home. While I was taking a turn at the wheel, my husband and daughter were both sleeping. Suddenly I started having pelvic pains, once we got to a gas station, we stopped, and I went to the bathroom. I realized I had light vaginal bleeding, so we bought some pads and continued on our journey home. At this point, I thought I might be having a miscarriage.
I remember the drive home felt like an eternity. We stopped as frequently as possible so that I could go to the bathroom. The drive between Idaho and our home in California is pretty remote; there aren't a lot of places to stop. Finally, we got home. We were relieved to be home, but the sickening feeling that we might not be having our miracle baby was disheartening.
A Trip to the Emergency Room
Saturday night and Sunday morning passed, and the pain was getting sharper, and most of it was on my right side. The vaginal bleeding wasn't heavy, but it was constant. Uncertain if we should go to the ER, my husband called his mom, a nurse, for advice. We hadn't yet told her about our pregnancy, so the first news she heard was that something was probably wrong. Sunday afternoon, we called our friends from church who lived down the street to see if they could watch Hazel while we went to the ER.
Once we arrived at the ER, there was a big sign that said only the patient was allowed to enter due to covid restrictions. My heart sank as I realized Harlen wouldn't be with me.
I was triaged by the nurse and given a bed. The ER doctor, Dr. C., quickly sent for a urinalysis and bloodwork and then sent me for a transvaginal ultrasound.
The ultrasound revealed that my uterus was empty. Based on when I ovulated and got a pregnancy test, we should have been between six and seven weeks gestational age, at which point we should have seen a baby and a heartbeat. The ultrasound showed a cyst-like formation in my right fallopian tube, right next to my ovary. Uncertain if the cyst was a harmless ovarian cyst or an ectopic pregnancy, Dr. C. called the on-call OBGYN, Dr. E., a traveling doctor stationed at Ridgecrest Regional Hospital.
Dr. E felt it was probably a cyst, and I wasn't as far along as I had thought. While in the ER, they did find that I had a UTI, so they discharged me with a prescription for antibiotics and a follow-up appointment with Dr. E in a few days.
Dr. E Follow-up
Dr. B., my regular OBGYN was unable to meet with me that week, so I was scheduled with Dr. E. When I met with Dr. E a few days later, the pain had eased, but the vaginal bleeding had remained consistent. We did some repeat bloodwork which showed that my HCG levels had gone up from my ER visit, so in my mind, things were looking better. Usually, in 24 hours, your HCG levels will double. I later learned that my levels increased from 858 MIU/ML to 1121 MIU/ML in 24 hours, which falls short of doubling. So I had false hope from the start. Dr. E never told me this, but in my paperwork, I could see he entered "threatened abortion," so he thought I was having a miscarriage but didn't tell me. HCG levels rising slower than expected can sometimes point to ectopic pregnancy.
Because of the cyst next to my ovary, he did schedule a repeat ultrasound in a few days, with repeat bloodwork.
Thursday Ultrasound
When I had my ultrasound on Thursday morning, the technician had the screen turned from me and didn't tell me much. Afterward, I walked over to the lab for them to do the repeat bloodwork. After that, it was back to waiting for the results. I tried my best to continue my day as usual. I taught a piano lesson, then cooked dinner for my family.
Return to the Emergency Room
Shortly after dinner, I had sharp pelvic pain again on my right side. It was so sudden and intense that I immediately yelled to my husband to take me to the ER. Knowing he couldn't go in with me, we threw Hazel in her car seat and drove to the hospital, where he would drop me off. As we drove the 10 minutes to the hospital, my gut feeling was that I had a misdiagnosed ectopic pregnancy and not just a cyst.
As I checked in at the front desk, I told them I had an ultrasound from the morning. I don't know how long I was in the ER waiting room, but it felt like an eternity. I was a little feverish and couldn't find any relief from the pain. I remember crying, praying in my heart, and thinking I was about to die alone in the waiting room.
Finally, the triage nurse brought me in, and when she asked me how much pain I was in, I firmly said, "a 10!" They brought me back to the same bed I was in on Sunday. Everything after that is a bit of a blur. I know they did some more bloodwork; they told me Dr. G. was the OBGYN on-call, which made me panic because I had a negative encounter with her when I was pregnant with Hazel.
Ectopic Pregnancy Diagnosis
Eventually, they diagnosed the ectopic pregnancy from the past ultrasounds and all the bloodwork. At this point, my HGC from the morning had dropped from 1112 MIU/ML to 943 MIU/ML. Both HCG levels were lower than the previous bloodwork. My baby had implanted in my right fallopian tube, which is not viable for a pregnancy to continue to term. Ectopic pregnancies often rupture and are life-threatening to the mother. I sincerely wish that Harlen could have been by my side to hold my hand, but I was all alone.
Dr. Natalie Crawford, MD just released this video that goes into more details about ectopic pregnancies:
The ER doctor told me the best way to proceed was to have a laparoscopic surgery, where they would make three tiny incisions and go in with a camera to confirm the ectopic pregnancy and remove it. Faced with little choice, I said a silent prayer to God to help me through surgery with a doctor I didn't trust.
Emergency Surgery
Shortly after I said this prayer, the doors opened, and in walked my regular OBGYN, Dr. B. With her white coat and blond curls framing her face, she looked like an angel. The ER staff was mistaken about the on-call doctor, to my relief. Dr. B. remembered our visit from a few months previous and my history with infertility. She asked if I wanted her to try and leave my fallopian tube if at all possible. With no promises of success, I asked her to try.
Dr. B. had to leave to deliver an emergency c-section baby, and then she would do my laparoscopic surgery. I didn't see her again until we got to the operating room in the early hours of the morning on December 4th. Meanwhile, the hospital staff proceeded to prep me for surgery, including my first Covid test. As the anesthesiologist was getting ready to put me under, he told me to pick a picture to have in my mind for when I woke up. I decided on a photo I had seen of my favorite temple in Logan, Utah:
When I awoke from the surgery, I learned that the bad news was it was an ectopic tubal pregnancy, and the good news was that they were able to save my fallopian tube. Something I later learned is exceptionally uncommon in ectopic pregnancies! So, I count it as a miracle, especially considering how tired Dr. B must have been.
Recovery from Surgery
As I was recovering from surgery, I was in a postpartum room. In the room next to mine, I could hear a baby crying. I heard one of the nurses instruct the on-call pediatrician not to go into my room. It felt that everything about being in the labor and delivery wing was a mockery of my loss. But I tried my best to remain positive.
My one relief was when the cleaning lady came in. Noticing her accent, I said, "Hablas Espanol?". So I practiced my Spanish with her as she followed her cleaning routine. It was a much-needed distraction.
I couldn't wait to get out of the hospital; as soon as I felt ready, I asked the nurse if I could walk around. I knew from my c-section that it would help speed up my recovery. They soon allowed me to go home, so I asked Harlen to bring me a maxi dress because I didn't want my jeans to rub on the incision sites.
At Home
My friend brought us dinner the night I came home. It was a chicken pot pie which was food for my soul. My daughter Hazel was 2-two-years-old at this time and was very upset that I couldn't hold her. But we did lots of side snuggles. The women's organization at my church, the Relief Society, organized a meal train, and many of my dear friends offered to watch Hazel while I recovered. I can't remember when I felt so much love from friends and family.
Surgery Follow-up
About a week after my surgery, I had a follow-up appointment with Dr. B. Everything seemed to be healing fine, and she scheduled weekly bloodwork to ensure my HCG levels returned to normal. It was also at this appointment that I had to tell her that we were moving in just a few weeks. She wrote me a physical labwork prescription that I could take to Tennessee for the remaining HCG tests and instructed me to get a follow-up appointment with an OBGYN as soon as we arrived.
Wrap-up & Poem
The following months were crazy as I juggled moving, working, and coping with my loss. I will share a few more details in the third part of my story. I picked this week to share about Baby Jellybean because this is the first anniversary of my due date. In my mind, I should have a one-year-old crawling on the floor with my dog, splashing our summer away in the kiddie pool, and still not sleeping through the night. I also learned that July is Bereaved Parents Awareness Month, so sharing this part of my story was rather fitting.
Last year, as my due date came up, I bought a willow tree figurine and wrote this poem to honor the memory of my baby, and I shared it on social media. So today, I want to share it with you:
My baby Jellybean,
The hope and joy you would have been,
If not for the ectopic.
How I wish it were a different topic.
Though time does fly
as this July
It's you we had hoped to greet
and take you for a walk down the street.
Our hopes and dreams
now gone makes my heart scream
For now, every July and December
It's you we will remember.
Oh, my baby miracle,
I am so very thankful
That forever in our family, you will be
for all eternity.
Since the loss of my baby, I've only referred to them as Baby Jellybean. I've started feeling ready to give them a real name in recent months. Once we decide on a name, I look forward to calling them in heaven when we reunite.
I'm sorry if this has been a depressing post. I want to be open and honest about everything I went through to bring awareness and help others find comfort who have been through similar experiences.
Comments