The Fertility Clock

What a year 2023 has been! I feel that it's been an emotional one, but that there has also been a lot of personal growth along the way. My oldest daughter just turned 5 in September. I gave birth to my baby in January, and this year was a big one because I turned 30. I imagine most people have a lot of feelings about their 30th birthday, including feeling "older" thought processes. Part of this is probably due to my anxiety, but I'm feeling pressure from my fertility clock to have the family I want to have.

My birthday this year landed on Mother's Day (which can be a mixed bag of emotions), and I had a great birthday surrounded by amazing friends. We organized a potluck lunch after church and met at a park so our kids could play while we socialized. My friends got me a cake, and they sang "Happy Birthday" Even the weather was warm and sunny. Honestly, it was probably one of the best birthdays I can remember. However, I was feeling some complex emotions leading up to my birthday.

Turning 30 is a big deal for multiple reasons. My mom was 30 years old when she had me. By this point in her life, she had four kids. I know comparing to other's lives isn't a healthy pattern, but I have always hoped to have a large family, and I've only got two. Because I still have hopes to have more kids, my fertility clock is always on my mind.

Generally speaking, most women's fertility begins to decline around age 30. Both due to the quality and quantity of eggs decreasing. Everyone's body is slightly different on the timing of this egg quality and quantity decrease. Realizing that I'm already facing a history of infertility, my fertility clock feels a little pressure.

I know women can have kids up into their 50s and 60s, but from a medical standpoint, the label "Advanced Maternal Age" kicks in at age 35. Advanced maternal age means the baby and mother are at risk during the pregnancy. I keep finding my brain doing the math. That's just five years away! Five years is the age difference between my two girls, so I panic a little bit, thinking, "If we have any infertility complications or pregnancy losses, we may not have many more kids." I keep having to take deep breaths. The only thing that makes me feel at peace is God's perfect timing. And I am trying to trust his plan to have the family we need, even if it's not the family we dreamed of.

I would love to hear from others who have felt the pressure of the fertility clock. How have you come to cope? What thoughts, true or not, have you heard from your inner voice?