Finding Strength in Vulnerability

I'm sure we have all seen someone try to open a two-liter bottle of pop that was previously shaken up. The pressure inside causes the fizz to spray out everywhere. Depending on how the bottle is opened, there may be just a tiny spray or an enormous explosion of sticky bubbles everywhere. Healing from trauma can be a similar experience.

In my previous post on healing from trauma, I found my first step in recovery to be accepting my trauma as trauma. Whenever I find hard feelings or something triggering my memories, I have been placing my hand on my heart and repeating, "What I experienced was traumatic for me." This has been a self-validating experience and has led me to find some inner healing. Today, I want to write about finding connection and validation with others.

Reflecting on my early journey with infertility, I didn't feel it was socially acceptable to talk about infertility. We had to discuss it in corners and sweep it under the rug. I craved a connection, someone who could relate to my experiences. However, like my bottle of pop, things built up inside. Sometimes, they came out in little squirts of conversation; other times, they gushed out in an emotional meltdown. The more I talked about it, the more I found I wasn't alone in my journey.

In 2021, during National Infertility Awareness Week, I decided to participate on my personal Facebook page, sharing my story. By this point, I had also experienced an ectopic pregnancy and was officially diagnosed with PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). This was a turning point for me because so many people have experienced infertility or pregnancy loss, yet no one was discussing it! Through vulnerability, I began to find validation and connection with many friends and people in my community.

Following my miscarriage in 2022, I found it easier to open up about what I was going through than to keep it bottled up. Following a Facebook post about my miscarriage, a dear friend messaged me to say she was going through the same thing! It was incredibly healing to have our feelings validated and find a connection with each other.

Just a few months later, I began this blog. Following the birth of my rainbow baby in January of this year, I felt a little guilty writing about infertility and pregnancy loss because I have two daughters. As I mentioned in my post last week, I still have some healing, and I'm sure so many others do, too!

I want to take this blog in a new direction. I want us all to find healing through validation and connection. I want more stories from women who have experienced infertility, pregnancy loss, or both. I've already had some courageous women accept to help share their stories and experiences. Not everyone is ready for this step yet, and that is okay. Some people find writing a source of healing and release; others find it emotionally draining. Both are okay, and both are normal! I want to give voices to women who find validation and connection through writing.

From my blog's beginning, I wanted other stories shared here. One of the reasons for choosing the name "Confessions of a Pineapple" was not because infertility is a sin but because I wanted open conversations about infertility and pregnancy loss. When I started this blog, I had asked people to write, and several said they would, but I think life got in the way! Finding time or getting the mental space to write about these things is hard! I have days where I have an idea for a post but then draw a blank as to what I want to write. Other times, I am writing, and the emotions get heavy, and I must take a break. I'm trying to make it easier for my Pineapple Tribe. I will try a new interview-style format with prompt questions in some upcoming posts. If you want to share your story, please fill out this form so we can hear your "Confession of a Pineapple."